


Canon History, Canon Future: a Between the Lines ficlet

by The_Honeyed_Hufflepuff



Series: Carry On Countdown 2019 [9]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: (hypothetically), Alternate Universe, As One Does, Carry On Countdown (Simon Snow), Carry On Countdown 2019, DEC 13 - Apocalypse, M/M, Texting, Zombie Apocalypse, hypothetical talk of hypothetically throwing Dev Grimm to the zombies to buy more time to escape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:14:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21785788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Honeyed_Hufflepuff/pseuds/The_Honeyed_Hufflepuff
Summary: Simon & Baz have just started getting to know each other via text, so of course Simon feels this is an appropriate time to ask Baz how he'd survive the zombie apocalypse.(missing text convo from my ficBetween the Lines)
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: Carry On Countdown 2019 [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1557748
Comments: 18
Kudos: 145
Collections: Carry On Countdown 2019





	Canon History, Canon Future: a Between the Lines ficlet

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Carry On Countdown 2019 - Apocalypse
> 
> So I had NO IDEA what to write for this prompt, & then I had a lightbulb/epiphany moment yesterday where I realized/remembered that BTL Simon & Baz's list has an apocalypse survival question, so here we are. This might still be cute for you if you haven't read BTL, but I honestly don't know what makes sense anymore out of context. 
> 
> The timeframe for this is chapter 7 of BTL, which is the night Simon & Baz text for hours into the wee morning, right before Baz shows up at work the next day to discover that hey, Simon works at Nico's now. 
> 
> Anyway. ENJOY!

**Wednesday, 2nd December, 2015**

**Fit Idiot (1:21 am):** ok my turn

 **Fit Idiot (1:22 am):** how would you surivve a zombie apoclapyse

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:22 am):** I’m sorry, a zombie what?

**Fit Idiot (1:23 am): 🙄🙄🙄**

**Fit Idiot (1:23 am):** you know what i mean

 **Fit Idiot (1:23 am):** prat

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:26 am):** Alright, well. I’d fuck right off to the Cairngorms at first sign of outbreak, before quarantines. We’re entirely too close to London to survive if we stay here. 

**Fit Idiot (1:27 am):** why tho

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:29 am):** Because, Snow. The disease would spread too quickly once it reaches a highly populated area, and it would be too late by the time the government actually caught on. I’m not staying here just to get barricaded in with a bunch of murderous undead morons. 

**Fit Idiot (1:30 am):** ok...

 **Fit Idiot (1:30 am):** so how do you live in the mountains then

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:32 am):** Hunting. Foraging. Collect water from the streams, boil it to be sure it's sanitary. I'll have brought some essentials with me on the initial journey: warm clothes, blankets, a knife. Books. Etc. 

**Fit Idiot (1:33 am):** won't the books weigh you down tho

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:33 am):** Snow, I'm about to be stuck on a mountain for the foreseeable future. I'd at least like some quality entertainment.

 **Fit Idiot (1:33 am):** youve thought about this a lot

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:34 am)** : Yes, well. I think about a lot of things a lot. 

**Fit Idiot (1:34 am):** but what if you dont get out in tiem

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:35 am):** Likely it'll all go to shit, so I'll try to keep myself and my family alive as long as I can before we succumb.

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:36 am):** Although I have no qualms about using Dev as a distraction. I’ll escape as they feast on his corpse. 

**Fit Idiot (1:36 am):** savage 

**bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:36 am):** Yes, well. Natural selection. Only the strong survive. All that. 

**Fit Idiot (1:37 am):** I guess I alwyas figured I'd just steal a shotgun and like. go off

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:37 am):** That's all well and good in films, but theoretically it's the worst possible plan in the event of an actual zombie apocalypse. We'd be overrun.

 **Fit Idiot (1:38 am):** yeah but like... I'd take as many out as I could before they got me. give the rest of humanity a shot

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:38 am):** That's very gallant of you.

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:38 am):** But also the amount of zombies you could finish alone probably wouldn't make a difference for humanity, mathematically speaking.

 **Fit Idiot (1:39 am):** hm. 

**Fit Idiot (1:39 am):** is there room for me on your mountain then

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:40 am):** Perhaps.

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:40 am):** If you can manage to steal your shotgun first, hunting for food will be much easier.

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:40 am):** You’d be a good asset. 

**Fit Idiot (1:40 am): 😏😏😏**

**bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:42 am):** Are you flirting?

 **Fit Idiot (1:42 am):**...isnt that what weve been doing all night

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:42 am):** You’re getting dangerously close to forfeiting your place on my mountain, Snow.

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:42 am):** I’m sure I can find my own shotgun.

 **Fit Idiot (1:43 am):** your gonna need help!

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:43 am):** You’re.

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:43 am):** And are you saying I’m incapable of fending for myself? That’s not flirting, Snow. That’s an insult. 

**Fit Idiot (1:43 am):** asdla;sldkfj

 **Fit Idiot (1:43 am):** firet of all your one to talk about using insults to flirt

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:43 am):** You’re. 

**Fit Idiot (1:44 am):** omg

 **Fit Idiot (1:44 am):** also were you really planning on using me for my shotgun

 **Baz (1:44 am) [ UNSENT DRAFT ]:** Yes, though you’d also be nice to look at.

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:45 am):** Yes. 

**bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:45 am):** I don’t know why you’re surprised. This is a hypothetical scenario.

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:45 am):** Zombies aren’t real.

 **Fit Idiot (1:45 am):** *yet* 

**Fit Idiot (1:46 am):** weve talked about canon history so I'm just like. trying to be prepared for possible canon futures yeah?

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:46 am):**...There is no canon future, Snow. That's why it's the future.

 **Fit Idiot (1:46 am):** yeha but like somedya it will be the future

 **Fit Idiot (1:46 am):** if I can say dino feathers aren't canon then I can also say zombies are

 **Fit Idiot (1:47 am):** it's not that different

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:47 am):** It's philosophically different. Dinosaurs were real.

 **Fit Idiot (1:47 am):** WE DONT KNOW ZOMBIES WONT BE REAL BAZ

 **Fit Idiot (1:47 am):** also there has to be a canon future

 **Fit Idiot (1:47 am):** theres only one future

 **Fit Idiot (1:48 am):** unless life is all some timey wimey bullshit

 **Fit Idiot (1:48 am):** theres one (1) canon future

 **Fit Idiot (1:48 am):** it just hasnt happend yet

 **Fit Idiot (1:48 am):** 🤯🤯🤯

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:49 am):**...Touché, Snow.

 **Fit Idiot (1:49 am):** so 

**Fit Idiot (1:49 am):** have i blown your mind enough to earn my spot back on your moutnain 

**Fit Idiot (1:49 am):** or do i need to do more to prove myself worthy

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:50 am):** Hm. I don’t know, Snow.

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:50 am):** Can you provide good entertainment?

 **Simon (1:51 am) [ UNSENT DRAFT ]:** i can think of a few ways to keep you entertained...JFC NO DONT SEND THAT

 **Fit Idiot (1:52 am):** not sure about good entertianment but i think im pretty good at holding up a convo

 **Fit Idiot (1:52 am):** so

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:53 am):** Alright.

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:54 am):** I suppose you can hypothetically join me on my hypothetical mountain in the hypothetical future.

 **Fit Idiot (1:54 am):** you mean the potential canon future?

 **Fit Idiot (1:54 am):** 😉😉😉

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:54 am):** Keep being cheeky and you’ll be back off the mountain.

 **Fit Idiot (1:54 am):** 🙄🙄🙄 fine

 **Fit Idiot (1:55 am):** tho if you do thorw me off the mountain ill make sure my zombie self haunts the cairngorms 

**Fit Idiot (1:55 am):** i’d like to see you try to take me out with your books

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:55 am):** You wouldn’t even know what was happening, Snow; you’d barely be sentient. 

**bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:55 am):** And I can assure you they’re heavy books.

 **Fit Idiot (1:55 am):** SPEAKING OF ZOMBIES

 **Fit Idiot (1:56 am):** ever played plants v zombies?

 **Fit Idiot (1:56 am):** not the mobile one

 **Fit Idiot (1:56 am):** garden warfare

 **Fit Idiot (1:56 am):** ive got it on xbox

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:57 am):** I don’t have an Xbox.

 **Fit Idiot (1:57 am):** as;dlkfjsdaf

 **Fit Idiot (1:57 am):** thatd be proper zombie killing traingin you know

 **Fit Idiot (1:57 am):** also proper enteratinment

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (1:58 am):** No power outlets on a mountain, Snow. No power at all in an apocalypse, once some time goes by. 

**Fit Idiot (1:58 am):** i just mean in general

 **Fit Idiot (2:00 am):** as in we could play sometime

 **Fit Idiot (2:01 am):** if you want i mean

 **bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (2:02 am):** Hm. 

**bookshop bloke baz 🦖 (2:03 am):** I suppose that could be fun. Hypothetically.

 **Simon (2:03 am) [ UNSENT DRAFT ]:** ldndiwhdwiwjsbd I didnt mean that like asking you out but also 

**Fit Idiot (2:04 am):** your turn 🙃

**Author's Note:**

> LMAO this is my cutesy redemption after yesterday's trainwreck of a ficlet. Hope y'all enjoyed.
> 
> Come say hi to me on [Tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thehoneyedhufflepuff) I'm a disaster over there.


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